The Affairs of Dragons Pt. 1 - The Offer

For someone not in my profession it is hard to explain that I really don’t care who’s on the side of right in any situation.  From my point of view the person paying me is always right.  Good, bad, benevolent, or malicious is all irrelevant to me.  I really couldn’t give two shits as long as the money spends. Does that make me bad? Amoral maybe, but not bad. Bad would mean I never do the right thing.  That’s not the case.  I honestly don’t care about right or wrong.  I care about getting paid.

A job I did earlier in my career comes to mind.  It will serve as a shining example of what I’m trying to explain. A dragon was terrorizing the countryside of this little backwater world.  It had been eating virgins, burning villages, hoarding treasures…standard stuff really.  The locals were getting really tired of its shit, so they had gone out to find someone to kill it.

I know what you’re thinking, and no, it wasn’t me.  Fighting a dragon is insane.  Those damned things breathe fire, and the more intelligent ones use magic as well as any other race I’ve ever encountered. Nope, fighting a dragon dances dangerously close to joining a cause, and as I’ve said before I don’t do causes.  Causes get killers killed. Knights take up causes, and the people had found a good one.  That’s what got me hired.  The dragon didn’t want to fight this particular knight, so it hired me to kill him before any kind of a fight had to happen.

Yeah, you read that right.  The dragon hired me, and I took the job. Did I mention hoarded treasure?  Yeah, a big old pile of gold speaks to me more than saving a damsel in distress ever could.  I did that once.  Never again.

I’m getting ahead of myself though.  Let’s go back to the start because this one is worth hearing from the beginning. I’d only been in the business for about a year at this point, and my reputation had already started to reach out across worlds. I’d had quite a few people come to me hoping to find a champion or a white knight.  That’s not me.  Most got sent away disappointed. Some ran away with fear or disgust in their eyes once they realized what kind of a person they were dealing with.  Either way I lost about three seconds of sleep over them all…in total.

The night I landed the job we’re talking about though was one that still stands out in my memory years later.  I came down from my room for supper.  I was on day three of a three day bender and really wasn’t in the mood for people and/or people-like things.  Bobby won’t let me eat in my room, so I have to come down if I need food.

I found an empty seat at the bar and planted my scrawny, hungover ass on the stool.  I kind of waved to Bobby. He came over with stew and bread already in his hands which he placed in front of me with a grunt.  He tapped his finger twice on the counter which meant there was a token under the bowl.  Someone in the bar was looking to hire a killer.  I just happened to be a killer in need of a job. What a coincidence.

I raised my head and looked at Bobby with a cocked eyebrow.  He pointed to a table just to the left of the fireplace where a man was sitting having a bowl of the self-same stew that I was getting ready to shove in my face. I nodded a thanks to Bobby while gathering up my shit and made my way across the common room to the table where my new prospective client sat.

It’s almost a reflex to do a threat assessment on anyone I get close enough to see the color of their eyes.  If I can touch them, they can touch me, so I run scenarios in my head to be prepared in case things turn violent.  There may be nothing coming, but in my line of business retribution comes in many shapes and from many directions.  Killers who aren’t vigilant don’t stay killers for long. I’m pretty sure Bobby wouldn’t send me into a situation like that…if he saw it coming. That being said, it’s just good practice to always watch your ass and plan for the worst.

First thing I noticed was that my prospective employer wasn’t a man as I had first thought. The darkness of the room combined with the shadows cast by the fire made it difficult to tell from across the room.  She was wearing a wide, flat brimmed hat which hid her face in shadows. Add to that the fact that she was probably close to six feet tall with shoulders and upper arms like a linebacker and the mistake was an easy one to make. Doesn’t matter that he was a she as long as the money was good.

Second thing I noticed was that she was wearing scale armor which probably also meant she was armed.  Bobby doesn’t have any “disarm at the door” rules, so that too was no big deal.  People didn’t start shit here usually because Bobby was more than capable of finishing it and he could magically bar entrance to his establishment once the dust settles.  I hear getting bounced out of here hurts.  Don’t plan on finding out though.

Last thing that stood out was that she was sitting with her back to the fire and facing the door.  That spoke volumes to me.  Sitting with your back to the main light source would obscure your features to anyone coming into the room and that could give you precious seconds to react while someone looking for you waits for their eyes to adjust to the light levels and searches the crowd.  Facing the door just magnifies your advantage in that your eyes are already adjusted and you get first look at everyone who comes in.  She’s smart and wary. I like her already. The only thing that could spoil it is if she’s looking for a rescuer. Something tells me though that she’s not the damsel in distress type.

“Mind if I join you?” I asked as I sat my food on the table.

“Depends on if you are the company I came here to find.” Was the reply.

I sat the token on the table, and she nodded to a seat to her right that wouldn’t block her view of the door. Smart.

I parked my butt in the chair and made eye contact for the first time. Her eyes were a kind of orange-yellow and shone out from under the shadow of her hat like glowing embers in a fire…literally.  They were fucking GLOWING.  The weird part of it was I couldn’t look away.  My eyes were locked on hers, and no matter how hard I tried I just couldn’t look away. I was unable, and maybe even a little unwilling, to look away.  I have no idea how long we sat there, but when she finally turned her head away I sagged into my chair. Every muscle in my body had been tensed and now fatigue was hitting me like a freight train.

“Yes,” she said, “you shall do nicely.  I see the killer in you, and it speaks more to me than any words that have reached my ears.  Once you are pointed at a target that target falls or else you do.  I can admire that.”

As she spoke she pulled a small cigarillo out of a pouch at her waist and placed it between her lips. She turned to the fire and reached into it with a bare hand pulling out a coal lighting the small cigar.  Once it was lit, she casually tossed the coal back into the hearth, took a long drag on the cigarillo, and turned back to me.

Magic…great.  Once I realized what had just happened I got a little angry. I was just about to express my displeasure with the point of the dagger that I had up my sleeve when something in the back of my mind made me stop. I replayed the last few seconds in my mind and when the light finally dawned on my marble head I sat back into my chair.

Like I said before, the threat assessment process is almost a reflex, and this time it probably just saved my ass as my thoughts crystalized into a realization.  One, she just stuck her bare hand into a burning hearth and pulled out a coal without even the slightest hint of pain. Second, the scale armor she was wearing wasn’t armor at all.  When the light of the fire hit it, it revealed it to be reptilian scales and not metal ones.  It was her goddam skin!  Glowing eyes, immunity to fire, and scaly skin all pointed to one conclusion…dragon.  I’m sitting across from a real deal, fire breathing, shapeshifted dragon.

There’s a saying that I used to think was funny, but I suddenly found it very applicable.  It went like this, “Never meddle in the affairs of dragon for you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup.” I wonder if that still applies if you’re on the dragon’s side in the aforementioned “affairs.” I don’t know for sure, but I’d be willing to bet Bobby would have a tough time bouncing her if shit went sideways. Probably best for all if I don’t try and find out. So be nice Tole!

“So, what does a dragon need a tiny little man like me to kill that she can’t just burn down herself? I mean, if you can’t handle it what chance would I me have?” I shoved a spoonful of stew in my face as I finished my question, partly because it was getting cold and partly to keep my snark under control. Snark aimed at dragons is only tolerated for so long.

She laughed at that. Her laugh was musical and genuinely heartfelt. When I heard it I breathed a sigh of relief.  Maybe I won’t be a charcoal briquette before this is all done.

“Do not think I have not tried,” she said once her laugh died away. “The dragon hunter that has been sent against me is one of the best in the realm where I reside.  He has had a long career and has killed many of my kin much older than I.  He uses weapons created to easily pierce our hides.  Nasty things created by mystical beings from other worlds. His armor wards him against my fire, but it also protects him from cold, lightning, acid, and magic.  He is all but immune to any attack a dragon can bring against him.  It is why he has lived so long. He forces us to close combat and his cohorts trap us with nets and cables fired from ballistae.  Then he strides in the confident champion and dispatches us at his leisure.  It’s disgusting and it makes it all but impossible for us to be victorious.”

“Why come to me?  Why not look for help on your own world? Surely there are men of questionable character there?” I realize I’ve reached the bottom of my bowl while I listened to her talk, so I wave Bobby over for a refill and ask him for a beer to go with it. He grunts and goes back to the bar to get them.  As he returns with my order, my new friend takes up her story again.

 “That is a valid question.  Of course there are those like that on my home world.  However, when it comes to helping one of my kind, everyone on my world is of a similar mind.  Everyone has lost at the hands of my race at some point.  They are far more likely to help my foe than me, so I am forced to seek my help elsewhere. I have heard you are a man who does not trifle with moral implications and once a bargain is struck you will not waiver from your goal.  That is why I am here.  That is why I have chosen you, but know this. Should you decide to betray me, I will burn you to ash with my dying breath.”

“I can respect that. I have never turned on a client, and I don’t intend to start with you. I have however ended more than one client who turned on me.  If I suspect for an instant you do not intend to honor our bargain, that hunter will be the preferable option for you.”

A puff of smoke rolled out of her nostrils and I didn’t remember seeing her take a drag on her cigarillo. Great Tole, make the dragon mad.  Good idea. I was just getting ready to defend myself, when she leaned forward and took my hand.

“No one has dared speak to me in that manner in a long time, and none have done so that I honestly believed could follow through on the threat. I find it…invigorating. You are an interesting man assassin.  If you were a dragon, I would consider taking you as a mate. Hell, I am half tempted to finish my transformation to human and do it anyway.” As she finished that statement her eyes flared a little brighter and smoke curled from the corners of her upturned mouth. I’m not sure I’d survive that particular joining. I’d better find a new direction for this conversation to go.

“I am honored, but I have a strict rule about romantic involvement with my clients.  It’s never a good idea to mix my kind of business with pleasure.  Emotions can cause me to hesitate and hesitation can cost me a client or even my life. I’ll kill your hunter for you. The price will be significant because in order to provide you the true result you seek…safety, I will have to kill his entire hunting party. If I don’t there’s nothing stopping his second in command from taking up the mantle and coming for you later.”

She leaned back in her chair and seemed to relax a bit.  She drug a nail across the table carving a small furrow. The wood curled into a little roll as she gouged it out. A small growl rolled up her throat.

“Too bad. I think you might find it enjoyable. Perhaps another time.  You do raise a valid point about the hunter’s cohorts though.  I had not considered that one might rise to take his place. There are fortunes to be made in the killing of my kind. Name your price killer, and it shall be done.”

“Twice my weight in gold and exclusive first option rights to similar work for you and your kind in the future,” I said extending my hand to seal the bargain with an exchange of grips.

“Done,” she said as she took my hand. As she did she pulled me to my feet and forward and kissed me...hard. It bordered on pain but wasn’t unpleasant. As she leaned into the kiss deepening it, she exhaled softly and heat came with it. Smoke curled up between our lips and rolled from both our nostrils. It was damned sexy and I almost threw my rules out the window.

She glanced down at the part of a man’s body that tends to have a mind of its own and smiled.

“Definitely another time.”

With that she vanished in a cloud of smoke. As she did a single scale fell to the table. It would provide me the link I need to find her on her world.  This shit is gonna be interesting.

After she was gone and my pants weren’t doing their impression of Barnum and Bailey’s big top anymore, I went back over and sat down at the bar.  Bobby met me with another beer and another bowl of stew in his hands. Did I mention he’s my hero? When I looked up at him, he had the biggest shit eating grin on his face.

“What?” I asked.

“You kissed her huh? She offer to have sex with you?”

“Maybe, but you know I don’t mess around with clients…especially not ones who could cook me if I piss them off.”

“Probably for the best,” he said. “I hear it can be kinda dangerous. Also hear Serilla’s worth the risk.” He finished that sentence with a wink. Then he spun on his heels and walked away.

“Bobby! Bobby! What do you mean worth the risk?!?  Hey! How do you know her name?!?! Bobby! Answer me goddamit! Bobby! BOBBY!”

That motherfucker just laughed and kept on walking.

After I finished my last bowl of stew, I went up to my room to get ready to go to work. I may or may not have grumbled under my breath as I climbed the stairs.