Saturday, February 23, 2008

Now THAT'S Funny

Everyday on my way to work, or what passes for work, I listen to conservative talk radio while "drinking the blood of small people who are different from me." (Yes, I am an evil, hate-mongering conservative. Deal.) Glenn Beck being the show that is on at that time, it is how I start my day. Yesterday he was discussing the upcoming Academy Awards, and the discussion drifted to how Hollywood seems to be doing nothing lately but making message movies that aggrandize the liberal point of view and tear down America in general.

I was getting somewhat riled up and issuing my morning "damn straight"s and "hell yeah"s when he started talking about classic films and the way they would be marketed today. I almost wet my pants laughing, so I thought I'd share them with you all.

The two biggest issues in America today collide together for the first time on the big screen: Global warming and health care. You'll be gripping the edge of your seat as you take a journey with one Midwestern woman's wild escape from global warming as she flees into exile and meets up with three amazing friends with one common plight: They all need medical care and organs to survive. But a struggle to live without any universal health care coverage. Will a Democrat get elected in time to give them universal health care? Will the Government help and stop tornadoes caused by global warming, or will the evil Republicans give tax credits to the wealthiest 1% and let them all die? See the Wizard of Oz.

Power-seeking politicians have no mercy when it comes to starting war for oil, but what happens when technology expands beyond the atmosphere, when space travel is as easy as activating the hyper-drive? The endless potential for power and control of the universe becomes too much for evil politicians to resist. Entire planets are destroyed. Billions of lives are lost, and military industrial complex rules the universe. This summer see Star Wars.

When giant bank corporations have their backs up against the wall, they don't take it lying down. Follow one good local man's journey as he's forced by an evil corporation to jump off a snowy bridge and kill himself, only to have an angel save him and show him how horrible the world would be without him. If only everyone who was forced to commit suicide because of an evil giant corporation had an angel, which by the way don't exist -- save their life. See It's a Wonderful Life.

A common species with one uncommon characteristic, a tiny little difference in pigmentation has caused a world of hate. This winter don't miss the film that challenges conventional wisdom and shows black and white working together with all the gray areas in between. See Casablanca.



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